I need to tell you about

that itchy sensation in the back of my chest, harboring resistance and anxiety.

I can try and move forward, three or four steps at a time. And then, I find myself falling into the familiar patterns of doubt and insecurity.

I love this person. I love them in the way that I need to share my thoughts with them. Because they’ll understand. I need to know they’re there. I need to know they’re alive.  Yet this person is a cryptic king of unexpected social discord….

I thought I was past this.

I thought I would stop loving a person if I threw out society’s subscription service to romantic conquest.

What Im feeling probably isn’t love. It’s just obsession. Or self esteem tearing itself to pieces. How I wish someone could just tell me to move on.

Ha, like moving on would ever do me any good.

 

 

Let me try something.

I love you, because you dont judge. I love you because you hurt like I hurt. I love you because you see beyond the facades and numbness. I love you because you make me laugh. I love you because you’re surprising. I love you because you listen to me. I love you because you don’t censor yourself. I love you because you treat me with kindness. I love you because you are not ashamed of your flaws. I love you because you were my anchor when life went tits up. I love you because you look like my sanity.  I love you because you can teach me something new. I love you because you taste like honey drenched wisdom and empirical knowledge. I love you because your lips are covered in observation and understanding. I love you because I built you up as a god. I love you because I cannot let you go again.

I love you, because I need a distraction. I love you because you’re a far fetched dream. I love you because you make me believe in miracles and happy endings. I love you because I thought I could heal you. I love you because I loved helping you. I love you because caring for you made sense to me. I love you because you encourage my codependent vices. I love you because I can’t stop smiling when I see your face.

I love you because my mind loves a likeminded screw up.

I love you and I can’t seem to get over it.

 

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