“don’t make me kill myself”

CW Warning: talk of threatening suicide, suicide

In several instances in my life, people have threaten to kill themselves.

But not in the way you might imagine. Not because they are actually suicidal.

No.

They do it because they know that I will do anything to prevent them from attempting suicide.

It’s a very cruel, manipulative emotional trap. And I admit I’ve done it myself.

I have absolutely experienced genuine suicidal ideation and I no doubt have loved ones who have attempted and/or succeeded. But there are a few people that have crossed my path that use suicide as a threat.

  1. An emotional melt down threatening self harm against themselves or others results in getting what they want.
  2. In the midst of a conflict, using suicide as a point of pity/sympathy and a tool to underhand their opponents stance
  3. declaring an ultimatum — this or suicide

 

I have experienced all of these.

  1. My mother.
  2. The rapist, after I confronted him and told him he raped me. He convinced me not to report him (at first) because he “felt so bad and was feeling suicidal”–And I didn’t want him to die…Because his existence/suffering was more important than mine duh(back in my previous mindset)
  3. My brother.

All I can say is that suicide (suicidality, ideation etc.) is a real, painful issue.  One that is close to my heart. And I really wish that I wasn’t so easily vulnerable to instances when people threaten their own lives just to gain something–because suicide should always be taken seriously….

but there are some who use it to their own advantages. And that…that is sick.

 

 

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