did you know

every time I close my eyes I see you.

You follow me like a parenthetical. Always there yet never the center of attention. I taste brine in the back of my throat as I choke back the years of wishful thinking that I spent on your crooked smile. You look like the beauty I could have kept for myself, yet wasted on your idle word play. My chakras are all aligned…with your ego. My center of proclivity has somersaulted backwards, dipping between vows of celibacy, solitude and soliloquies for the whole population to adore. I cater to you and only you and this is why I’m scraping my cheeks raw, biting hard on the rubbery bits of tongue that used to say whatever they wanted. I fight the acid on my cheeks, the embers in my stomach, the mangled monster of articulation that holds me hostage. You made me a useless sack of hormones and silly daydreams. I can’t take responsibility for this rollercoaster of emotions. You played some part. No matter how small….

Every time I close my eyes, I see your face.

 

And I dont know if I should hate or love those small moments of restitution.

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