I’m having major crisis of identity. I have never been comfortable with being Jewish. I have never felt safe and accepted and at peace within the Jewish community. The thing about being born Jewish is you can’t no longer be Jewish. It’s both a religion and an ethnicity…of sorts.
If you are born by a Jewish mother, you are Jewish. If you stop practicing Judaism, you’re still one of the tribe. You can be self loathing, but you’re still a Jew.
Ugh. All my life is set against the backdrop of Judaism. Luckily I grew up reform–not the most fundamental or religious yet still dogmatic…
I was bullied for being the wrong type of Jew. I was raped by an Orthodox Jew. I was alienated from my peers by being critical of Zionism…I was teased by my family for not being complacent with our Jewish rituals.
My name, my ethnicity, and supposed asssociated beliefs are somehow predetermined…I am not a representation of a culture I dont enjoy. I am defining myself.
This I know to be true.
I am loving. I am spiritual. I love genuine connection. I am a woman. I am intellectually curious. I am creative. I am caring. I am privileged. I am resilient.
Most importantly, I define me.