I’ve been absent from here for a bit.
I think because I’ve been enjoying each moment presently.
But let me just capture this tenderness in words–
I think, no–I know I’m experiencing happiness. It’s still unreal at times. But how strange and wondrous it is–to experience such visceral love and satisfaction, security and affection, comfort and laughter.
I may have even orgasmed. For like a tiny moment. My whole body went numb–is that expected?
I am finally living the life I have fought for. The life I have dreamed of. I am enjoying it. Striving to embrace the good in a world that I have been conditioned to martyr myself for. I am not the world’s savior and I can’t save everyone.
Part of this stems from my codependency issues. But also unresolved trauma still being dissected… so much injustice, so much violence, so much cruelty and suffering.
But here I am. I am loving and loved. Safe and secure. Smiling. Laughing. Thinking. Reading. Comfortable. Authentic. Open. Receiving. Giving. Feeling.
Do I believe in romantic love now? Well, I guess so. Not the type where you would give up your life and identity for someone else because that’s not authentic for me. But to find companionship and affection and someone you want to just hang out with all the time…ya that seems about right.
I’m glad that my SO(significant other) is really supportive of my ambition. They fully support my creative career and influence the world mentality. It’s exciting to meet someone who doesn’t want to compete with you but rather supports you. I love it.
SO’s main objective in life seems to be to enjoy it and to love and be loved. Mine is to make a difference in the world and create things…but this loving each other thing is pretty fucking phenomenal so I can’t complain LOL. I will never stop being grateful for SO’s love and dedication. SO makes me feel unbroken and capable. Secure, and…safe. We’ve only been together for three months but it’s been pretty solid so far. And we mind each other’s introverted needs and are very communicative….
I’m predicting we’ll be together till the world ends. If not, it will be a fun journey either way.
still uncomfortable with this much happiness and beauty. I deserve this. I really do. Just have to get used to it. If this can happen then anything else can happen. What a world.
you deserve happiness wordpress world! you matter ❤