1. there’s a chance an offspring like mine would turn out like my sociopathic, violent, abusive Brother….much like how my mom debated aborting my Baby Brother when she found out he was a boy.
2. It’s only taken 24 years, but I am finally able to take care of myself and not have to parent anyone else. I’ve never put myself first until now. The side effects of codependency and a dysfunctional family are still a constant struggle though.
3. I don’t want to be a parent if it’s something that requires me to care for another human 24/7 until the day I die. There’s no break from the anxiety, the care, the future planning, the complaining, the comparing, the everything that comes with living your life for someone else.
4. I know will be disappointed in my hypothetical child to some extent. That’s just not fair to them.
5. Considering my history of suicide ideation, depression and mental health issues in general, it’s not fair for a child to have me as their unstable parent.
6. I have ambitions, grand dreams. I want to live life for me and not for anyone else. If I was a parent, I would have to divide my attention between responsibilities and my goals…I would be half assing everything. I wouldn’t want to be an absentee parent.
7. My mom suffered bad post-partum depression. I’m sure I would too.
8. I couldn’t take a break from being a parent. Not even if there’s a babysitter or another caregiver. My life would be consumed by that child and that’s not how I want to live.
9. I would resent that child.
10. Being a parent would be a burden rather than a blessing.
11. I would be reliving all the horrors I experienced from my childhood…
12. Do I need another reason? No. My life, my choice.