daddy was on the phone

telling me that I could make it through the semester

that I would survive the withdrawal

that I could handle 12, 8, 6 more weeks of torture

that if I finished the semester I would have an easier time finding a job

an easier time transferring colleges

he saw klonopin withdrawal in residency

and, because I was under the care of my psychiatrist who specialized in addiction, I would survive

I would not die

I would not need rehab

and I longed for rehab

but not the kind our insurance would cover

I wanted the fancy rehab at a nice place with spas and 5 star cuisine

no, apparently my rehab would be titrating klonopin in a bed on a psych ward near by and would probably due more harm than good

 

he believed in me. he had to. that I could finish the semester while detoxing.

 

he also believed that I was wronged by my university

abused and taken advantage of by a school that made us take out a second mortage

he took out a second mortgage and in return I was raped

 

he believed in me though

and for that, I am grateful.

 

He told me that I could do it and I did. And he supported me.

He still supports me.

For all his faults as a parent, a person, a dad…

he helped me when I needed it most.

 

 

and for that I am grateful

 

 

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