I should have started this blog months ago. When I first started EMDR therapy. But we can’t go back in time, so let me catch you up. If you are reading this, good day. My name is Goldie, yes it’s a pen name. I’ll probably reveal my real identity later on but for now, considering the gory details I plan on documenting here…let’s just leave it at that.
What you need to know:
- I identify as cis female as well as pansexual. I am caucasian, specifically Jewish. I am 23 years old and I come from a background of upper middle class privilege. INFJ, scorpio, right handed. I don’t brush my teeth as often as I should. I have four roommates, a dog(JJ) and a horse(BB). I also have an emotional lexicon the size of Texas…
- Abuse transcends generations in my family, like a disease. I aim to stop the cycle of violence.
- I started EMDR therapy with the most amazing therapist(LMFT) I’ve ever had in June 2015. We’ll call her LYDIA and I have never had such incredible results since seeing her.
- What the fuck is EMDR therapy? Well hold on to your panties. For now, read this
- At age 5 I started psychotherapy and psychiatric treatment for depression and anxiety. I was prescribed liquid Prozac and talk/play therapy by my child psychiatrist who would be my psychiatrist for the next 14 years. We’ll call her REMI
- At age 9 I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 by REMI. A psychopharmacologist at Stanford University disagreed with REMI and thought my one time manic episode was due to SSRI-induced mania. Still, I continued treatment for Bipolar Disorder. I hope to give insight to what a diagnosis like that does to a child on this blog as well as detail some of my thoughts on psychiatry, mental wellness and society.
- Flash forward to October 2012. I get a new psychiatrist who specialized in Bipolar disorder and psychopharmacology. Her name is “DONNA”. After several meetings and evaluations she concludes I was never bipolar and in fact was being mistreated for depression and (C)PTSD. I go off my mood stabilizers and start Prozac again. It’s a miracle seeing the world clearly for the first time
- December 2012 I was raped by then best friend. This brings back the repressed memories of the sexual trauma and abuse I suffered as child.
- February 2013 survived my second suicide attempt by overdosing on klonopin. I quit klonopin and immediately start detoxing while still attending college.
- August 2013 Drop out of college and start working.
- June 2015 skeptically start EMDR therapy.
- April 2016 starting this blog because I finally feel comfortable writing this shit down.
This blog contains descriptions of the following: sexual violence and assault, child abuse and neglect, child on child sexual abuse, sibling abuse, trauma, PTSD, disassociation, relationships, codependency, depression, suicide, psychiatry and psychotherapy, coping and resilience.
I will tried to include content warnings for anything triggering.