I’m still pissed

and it’s making me anxious. I can’t stop obsessing. I can’t get over the hurt. I’m pissed off…still. even though I thought I thoroughly examined the incident. I thoroughly examined my feelings. my actions. my intentions.   and yet I am so fucking pissed. She claims to empower women but she will stab them the […]

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when you crave misery and chaos and even crisis because at least is preoccupies your brain when you bored, sometimes you look forward to the other shoe dropping or maybe its the faintest sign of depression. maybe it’s just complacency even if youre doing everything right maybe its the anxiety of something new pleasent, forgiving, […]

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Reasons I don’t want kids

1. there’s a chance an offspring like mine would turn out like my sociopathic, violent, abusive Brother….much like how my mom debated aborting my Baby Brother when she found out he was a boy. 2. It’s only taken 24 years, but I am finally able to take care of myself and not have to parent […]

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when you think you’re safe

its amazing how life can be so brilliant and shiny. full of effervescent giggles and tingling sensations. That warm growing glow in your chest. That loving embrace of living everyday presently… and yet there are still things that come by and by and make you stumble   A man that looks like the rapist. Fear […]

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Intergenerational Trauma

“Emerging trends in psychotherapy are now beginning to point beyond the traumas of the individual to include traumatic events in the family and social history as a part of the whole picture. Tragedies varying in type and intensity—such as abandonment, suicide and war, or the early death of a child, parent, or sibling—can send shock […]

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I wont call you mom

because I’m the mom. I won’t expect you to connect with me, to understand to hear what I say to comfort and console me. Because you have never been able to do that. And I used to dismiss your inabilities due to your own traumatic history… but that doesn’t mean I have to keep running […]

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is this the real life

or just fantasy?   how can I possibly be feeling so complete? physically and emotionally? My body carving out a new existence in the folds of a lover I never thought could be real. Could only be imagined.   I believe in the power of manifestation. And working through my issues. And I’ve been really […]

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