when your experiences

and burdens and sorrows and trials and tribulations come in handy there’s this strange moment of reconciliation. It wasn’t all for nought. One day your pain will be useful to you, they say. And maybe it’s that I can help others when the pain is overwhelming. It’s as if I am actually grateful for the […]

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Reasons I don’t want kids

1. there’s a chance an offspring like mine would turn out like my sociopathic, violent, abusive Brother….much like how my mom debated aborting my Baby Brother when she found out he was a boy. 2. It’s only taken 24 years, but I am finally able to take care of myself and not have to parent […]

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when you think you’re safe

its amazing how life can be so brilliant and shiny. full of effervescent giggles and tingling sensations. That warm growing glow in your chest. That loving embrace of living everyday presently… and yet there are still things that come by and by and make you stumble   A man that looks like the rapist. Fear […]

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really

I’m trying really hard. I’m putting myself first. Making time for my art, my labor, my love. Embedding new narratives into a world that is so stingy and rigid when it comes to change. I’m trying to be ok with the fact I am not living up to the picture in my head. I did […]

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Flesh

to be sold off piece by piece to the highest bidder. Or the one with the biggest, most callous hands. Flesh that is ripped away from my bones and consumed as substance– like a bad vice that can’t be contained. I am a slab of meat, weighed and packaged–my value determined by how much I […]

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Intergenerational Trauma

“Emerging trends in psychotherapy are now beginning to point beyond the traumas of the individual to include traumatic events in the family and social history as a part of the whole picture. Tragedies varying in type and intensity—such as abandonment, suicide and war, or the early death of a child, parent, or sibling—can send shock […]

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I wont call you mom

because I’m the mom. I won’t expect you to connect with me, to understand to hear what I say to comfort and console me. Because you have never been able to do that. And I used to dismiss your inabilities due to your own traumatic history… but that doesn’t mean I have to keep running […]

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