I once thought that was love.

I don’t know where this grief is coming from. Or maybe I do. I’m feeling an unyielding sense of burden. A gigantic, planetary size cross on my shoulders. A heaving in my chest that is not mine. I keep tearing at the frays of relationships past. They must be my true lovers, because they were […]

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I’m still pissed

and it’s making me anxious. I can’t stop obsessing. I can’t get over the hurt. I’m pissed off…still. even though I thought I thoroughly examined the incident. I thoroughly examined my feelings. my actions. my intentions.   and yet I am so fucking pissed. She claims to empower women but she will stab them the […]

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When I was in the 5th grade

the only friend I had was my pet senegal parrot, Kayah. I would come home from school and she would be eager to see me. I went everywhere with her. She was my confidant and companion. Most importantly, she made me feel loved and appreciated. during a time in my life when I was regularly […]

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when your experiences

and burdens and sorrows and trials and tribulations come in handy there’s this strange moment of reconciliation. It wasn’t all for nought. One day your pain will be useful to you, they say. And maybe it’s that I can help others when the pain is overwhelming. It’s as if I am actually grateful for the […]

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when you think you’re safe

its amazing how life can be so brilliant and shiny. full of effervescent giggles and tingling sensations. That warm growing glow in your chest. That loving embrace of living everyday presently… and yet there are still things that come by and by and make you stumble   A man that looks like the rapist. Fear […]

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take the good

I’ve been absent from here for a bit.   I think because I’ve been enjoying each moment presently. But let me just capture this tenderness in words–   I think, no–I know I’m experiencing  happiness. It’s still unreal at times. But how strange and wondrous it is–to experience such visceral love and satisfaction, security and […]

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  ***cw/tw mention of sexual abuse and assault, as well as graphic language* -nnilingus -t -nning cunt. cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. exposure therapy. CUNT. CUNT. CUNT. CUNT. oral sex. performing  unwanted, nonconsensual cunnilingus is violence.   It’s assault.   how do I explain to people what exhibitionism is? In the context of abuse? In […]

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