When I was in the 5th grade

the only friend I had was my pet senegal parrot, Kayah. I would come home from school and she would be eager to see me. I went everywhere with her. She was my confidant and companion. Most importantly, she made me feel loved and appreciated. during a time in my life when I was regularly […]

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when your experiences

and burdens and sorrows and trials and tribulations come in handy there’s this strange moment of reconciliation. It wasn’t all for nought. One day your pain will be useful to you, they say. And maybe it’s that I can help others when the pain is overwhelming. It’s as if I am actually grateful for the […]

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when you think you’re safe

its amazing how life can be so brilliant and shiny. full of effervescent giggles and tingling sensations. That warm growing glow in your chest. That loving embrace of living everyday presently… and yet there are still things that come by and by and make you stumble   A man that looks like the rapist. Fear […]

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take the good

I’ve been absent from here for a bit.   I think because I’ve been enjoying each moment presently. But let me just capture this tenderness in words–   I think, no–I know I’m experiencing  happiness. It’s still unreal at times. But how strange and wondrous it is–to experience such visceral love and satisfaction, security and […]

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cun

  ***cw/tw mention of sexual abuse and assault, as well as graphic language* -nnilingus -t -nning cunt. cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. exposure therapy. CUNT. CUNT. CUNT. CUNT. oral sex. performing  unwanted, nonconsensual cunnilingus is violence.   It’s assault.   how do I explain to people what exhibitionism is? In the context of abuse? In […]

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Permission

I give myself permission to love And to be loved.  To enjoy the fruits of my labor and the present moment To treat my heart with a gentle touch. Pain is a part of life but I refuse to suffer.  I give my self permission to explore who I am when I am intimate with […]

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Found

After a lifetime of abuse and neglect by people who “loved” me–parents, siblings, friends, mental health professionals– i find myself desperately searching for the warning sign that youre going to do the same. How an i supposed to trust this feeling and security and comfort, of happiness and affection when everything Ive ever known is […]

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