to be sold off piece by piece to the highest bidder. Or the one with the biggest, most callous hands. Flesh that is ripped away from my bones and consumed as substance– like a bad vice that can’t be contained. I am a slab of meat, weighed and packaged–my value determined by how much I […]

Read more "Flesh"


  ***cw/tw mention of sexual abuse and assault, as well as graphic language* -nnilingus -t -nning cunt. cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. exposure therapy. CUNT. CUNT. CUNT. CUNT. oral sex. performing  unwanted, nonconsensual cunnilingus is violence.   It’s assault.   how do I explain to people what exhibitionism is? In the context of abuse? In […]

Read more "cun"


After a lifetime of abuse and neglect by people who “loved” me–parents, siblings, friends, mental health professionals– i find myself desperately searching for the warning sign that youre going to do the same. How an i supposed to trust this feeling and security and comfort, of happiness and affection when everything Ive ever known is […]

Read more "Found"

walking on rosebuds

and crescents moons. knowing smiles, daring embraces. This steady, full hearted knowledge of peace. wholesome. Complete. Is this satisfaction? Is this love? Could it possibly be what I have fought for all this time? That twinkling shower of raindrops down my spine. That hearth of security rising in my chest My body planting new roots in […]

Read more "walking on rosebuds"

TEDx 2015

(Wait till its quiet)   IMAGINE…   A Sunday spent with your best friend at the movies. He insists on buying your ticket. He’s never offered before. Later, he insists on treating you to dinner. He mentions that he can be a gentleman. That he can take you on a date. This was never a […]

Read more "TEDx 2015"

A list of triggers

that cause me to disassociate talking about disassociation the word “boundary” eating out with my family driving in the car with my family violent, angry screaming high pitched sounds my college campus the dentist lecture halls bathrooms conference rooms cars honking verbal fighting talking about Brother seeing dogs mount each other and no one intervening […]

Read more "A list of triggers"

Turned off

It’s weird how it seemed just maybe a week ago I was madly romantic and severely in love with everything that crossed my path. Sometimes I find myself feeling asexual and aromantic. But not as a state of being and rather as a defense mechanism. Like maybe I’m tired of trying and failing at relationships […]

Read more "Turned off"