when your experiences

and burdens and sorrows and trials and tribulations come in handy there’s this strange moment of reconciliation. It wasn’t all for nought. One day your pain will be useful to you, they say. And maybe it’s that I can help others when the pain is overwhelming. It’s as if I am actually grateful for the […]

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support vs. rescuing

today I was tempted to rescue someone. But I didn’t. I want to save them from their misery and suffering but I could already foresee what would happen to me, emotionally, if I got involved. I would be anxious and tired and overwhelmed by someone else’s problems…and knowing this person, I wouldn’t be able to […]

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Reasons I don’t want kids

1. there’s a chance an offspring like mine would turn out like my sociopathic, violent, abusive Brother….much like how my mom debated aborting my Baby Brother when she found out he was a boy. 2. It’s only taken 24 years, but I am finally able to take care of myself and not have to parent […]

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birthing hips

girl put your birthing hips on compost the vast waste of the world into a documentary show about life itself. this isn’t a pastiche mongrel of your own insecurity. it’s the inhibited outer ego you call home. put your birthing hips on and help carry the weight of idiocracy feed me your qualms and I’ll […]

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Dr. Negligent

Im spinning. The world stops and switches direction. I lose my feet. My hands disappear. My head is cut off. Can she come to your brother’s bar mitzvah? The doctor. The one who psychologically abused you. Medicated you for a disease you didnt had. Whos medicinal touch made you ill…practically dead. At least they asked. […]

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You keep flip flopping

Like a coin toss. Or a fish gasping for air. Your passion ebbs and flows. You are seized by a moment and the next you’re detached from all zeal. And yet you say you want kids. Even after telling me that you didn’t want kids. That you would come with me to get an abortion […]

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disturbing dreams

CW: description of sex, abuse and assault I had a disturbing dream last night. One that falls into the pattern of disturbing dreams I’ve been having on and off for a while. I categorize it as disturbing because of who was in the dream. My mother. As well as a former classmate. I witnessed–in my […]

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